The Manscaped Minute: An Early Goat Whale Pulse Check

What a weird MLB season so far. All of twitter built home run models with AI and is crying because there aren’t home run derbies in 30 degree weather with the wind blowing in, some goats (especially WBC participants) are off to pretty slow starts, most of the American League forgot the season started, and a lot more.

But what has that meant for the goat whale? This is the first one I’ve had with four hitters and only one pitcher instead of three and two, so I was definitely preparing to not have much to splooge about for the first month or so before the weather warms up everywhere. It’s more just about having something on the board early on to build from. We’re definitely not in a bad place but could be in a better one too, let’s talk about each square so far.

We can start with what was my favorite square...

I planned on doing an update article a few weeks in but figured I wouldn’t have much to say other than just wait on it. Especially because the whole Antoan Richardson book is based on running on pitcher tendencies, which typically will take a while to develop throughout the year. But low and behold, he swiped a bag against the Angels this past Wednesday. And he didn’t just swipe one, he stole off of a lefty in Reid Detmers. Another reason I was kind of not counting on any early ones is because of the amount of lefties the Braves would face early on. But apparently it doesn’t matter. Not too much more to say about this one. Crazier things have happened especially with health involved, but I feel pretty good that he’s already on the board in the 2nd week of April.

Like Riley, the way this one has gone so far has surprised me. Not that he’s hitting homers obviously, but how and where he’s doing it. Elly had only 5 of his 22 HRs from the right side in all of 2025. Here we are 14 games into the season and 4 of his 5 HRs are hitting righty. Him showing power early from the right side is a fantastic sign especially being that it’s happening before we get any of those hot, hitter-friendly days in Great American Ballpark. And the actual 5 HRs might not even be the part I’m most excited about at this moment. We talked about how important the lineup protection would be, and the tandem of Sal Stewart and Eugenio Suarez behind Elly is making teams have to pitch to him as much as expected. He has done well so far, but I have a feeling a bigger run is coming from him pretty soon.

Pretty easily the worst looking hitter out of the 4 so far, and on a bit of a cold stretch for the last handful of games. But has played all of the season so far in Kansas City and Cleveland in a lot of frigid weather, low total games so probably not something to freak out about yet. There are positives too. You’d think with Salvy only hitting .157 that must mean he’s striking out a lot like he typically would, but he only has a 12.5% K rate so far. Small sample size of course but he’s had matchups against high K guys like Joe Ryan, Gavin Williams, Chris Sale and more so far. The Royals offense as a whole also hasn’t been too great but should start hitting sooner rather than later. They have another tough couple weeks of likely playing in the cold in Detroit, New York, etc. but towards the end of April I think both the Royals as a whole and Salvy will have this one looking much better. As long as he can keep giving us a decent floor without too many hitless games he should be fine, but a kick in the ass to get him going soon wouldn’t hurt.

Another square involved in an offense that hasn’t clicked so far is Jake Burger RBIs. Despite how much they refuse to set the platter (mostly just Wyatt Langford being horrid), Burger has still gotten his RBIs in bunches to start the year. He’s been the perfect boom or bust hitter, either mucking platter or looking absolutely horrid at the dish. Seems like he’s pretty locked into the everyday cleanup spot for the Rangers too, which is a huge plus to see early on. Burger has hit well with runners on, a crispy .300 in 30 ABs which is exactly what we want to see for a season-long RBI square. As the offense starts to improve I think his RISP chances will continue to increase. Outside of a trip to Sacramento this coming week, not an inspiring slate of matchups the rest of April for the Rangers offense. But they have a month of May that includes a trip to Coors and a series with the horrid DBacks staff, so very excited for that.

The only pitcher and one where just like with the hitters, it’ll require some patience. Gavin’s first start was fun where he had 6 walks and gave up 3 against the Mariners in Seattle. That was a game I was fully writing off as a great start in such a pitcher-friendly environment to start the year, but the runs were welcome. Followed that up with 7 shutout against the Dodgers though, which hurt a bit. His next start happened to be in 30 degrees with 30 mph wind coming in against the Royals, so honestly shocked he even gave up 1 there. Between the pitcher-friendly weather and a pretty soft rest of the April schedule, not the most exciting matchups for faders out there. But it is starting to look more and more likely that his runs will come in unexpected matchups. Between his 3 starts so far this year, Gavin has 14 walks and has only surrendered 4 runs. If you remember, those control issues coming back to bite him was the crutch of the fade and it’s becoming pretty clear that the free baserunner issue isn’t going anywhere for him. He’s gearing up for a start against the Cards as I type this and while I do have some hope because all of twitter is on his less than hits allowed, I could see this start going 20 different ways. Either way, confidence is not exactly wavering.