If I was an NFL GM...

Minnesota Vikings – this one is tricky. You obviously need a quarterback, but you can’t trade for a quarterback. You’re not trading for Kirk Cousins and anybody who thinks that is a moron. You aren’t trading for Geno Smith even though your team would be much better offensively with him. The only real move here is to upgrade at running back. I don’t think the Vikings need to sell the farm for JT. I really think they’d be fine with a guy like Tony Pollard. He’s such an underrated RB, and a serious one. Guy just shuts his mouth and runs hard for a shit team. Put him on one with realistic chances of winning and he will run even harder. I think he’s well worth whatever price the Titans are asking.

Cincinnati Bengals – this is where I would sell the farm for JT. You have to win a Super Bowl with Burrow and Chase in their prime. The window is closing. I respect that they traded their 10th overall pick in last year's draft for Dexter Lawrence. You had to improve the defense and you did. You have plenty of firepower at the WR position, but unfortunately, Chase Brown is just not that guy pal. JT is a total difference maker. You put him back there with that passing game and you are a real threat. I’m sure fans would trade an arm and a leg for this to happen. If I’m a GM, I would give the Colts whatever they wanted. Take all the “overpay” jokes now and laugh later when you’re having a parade in downtown Cincy.

San Francisco 49ers – you have the coach of the year and potential MVP paired up. Not much you need to do here. The supporting cast looks bad when injured. CMC is a little older but still performing. Same with Kittle. Getting Mike Evans was brilliant, let’s hope he can stay healthy. If Stribling comes back, Robinson comes back, and Christian Kirk can play football, you should be okay. I’d stay put.

Kansas City Chiefs – have to get a wide receiver. Or…a tight end. I think Rashee Rice is very good despite being a scumbag piece of shit human being. The Chiefs clearly don’t care about that. They’ll take Aaron Hernandez’s corpse if he could run routes. But Mahomes needs another weapon. I’d make a real move for a real wide receiver. If the Eagles are open to trading Smith, do it. If the Jets are open to trading Wilson, do it. If not…look for another pass catching TE. You can’t keep trotting out Travis Kelce every week. He’s old and kind of a douche. Go get Dallas Goedert, or maybe even a Michael Mayer if he’s healthy. 

Denver Broncos – this might sound weird, but I don’t think the Broncos need to do anything. You have had some turbulence on offense with the play calling. It’s back in Payton's hands now. Bo Nix has not looked good, but you’re winning games. Jaylen Waddle has not looked good, but you’re winning games. I think this could be a situation where the offense starts to figure it out a little bit more each week. The running back room doesn’t have a superstar but they have depth. Jonah Coleman looks FUN. Do not trade for JT or Pollard. I think these rumors are silly. Just stay the course and improve.

Green Bay Packers – I think a move needs to be made, but honestly, I don’t know what it is. You have a shit offensive line. You don’t really have that many big names on defense, but they’re overperforming. Getting Parsons back in a couple weeks will be huge. Watson is a great WR1 and Golden is a really solid WR2. He drops a fuck ton of passes but still makes a lot of plays. Kraft is a good TE. Even though Josh Jacobs is starting to look like Eddy Lacy, I’m not sure you really improve much with a move at RB given the O-line is trash. But with that said, if there are still concerns around Jacobs suspension, you need to get an RB for insurance because Marshawn Lloyd is not a serious running back. Jordan Love is playing like an MVP. Don’t waste these years. If you don’t think you have the team to win it all now, I don’t blame them for sitting tight and letting the Bears, Lions and Vikings duke it out. The Packers could be knocking on the Super Bowl door in 2-3 years, but it doesn’t feel like now is their time.

New York Giants – I keep seeing rumors of the Giants being a player for JT or Henry. I think this is stupid. It’s great that you’re still alive in the NFC East and it appears JJ McCarthy could win you some games, but let’s not get over our skis here. Your franchise QB is out for the season. Anything you do this year is just fun. You are not winning playoff games until Dart is back. Therefore, you should not mortgage any assets to “win now.”

Arizona Cardinals – Moving Brissett was a great idea. You have Minshew, who’s a competent backup, and a young guy in the wings with Carson Beck. You aren’t winning games this year or next year. Acquire some assets. But the question is who do you not sell? I would not mind if they made Mcbride and Wilson franchise players. Michael Wilson is SO good. So they have their RB for the future, a stud WR1, and an elite TE. That’s a good foundation. Probably smart to move their defensive players. I guess that would be Sweat, Baker and maybe Mack Wilson (who I really like.)  

Tennessee Titans – I don’t even know where to begin. You obviously sell Tony Pollard. Free my man from this god forsaken franchise. Cam Ward is so bad we’re not even sure you have your franchise QB. This might be the quickest rebuild after a rebuild we’ve ever seen. Signing players to win now a few years ago was so stupid. There was no need to pay Calvin Ridley and Snead. I’d take calls for everyone, but the roster is so bad, I’m not even sure teams are going to window shop outside of Pollard.

New York Jets – I really like the Jets core group. Breece Hall and Garrett Wilson are fun young guys to build around, and NY has the draft picks to build. On one hand, you can make the case for moving Breece because Braelon Allen has looked good. On the other hand…don’t you like having a 1-2 punch at RB? I feel like these two compliment each other well. Maybe I’m wrong. It’s really so hard to tell what potential this team has when Aaron Glenn and Frank Reich are running the show. These two bozos might be the worst coaches in all of football. I guess if push came to shove, I would move Breece for the right price, but I’d keep Wilson.

Philadelphia Eagles – A lot of you don’t agree that this team should be a seller. I think a lot of you have your head up your ass. This team clearly has some real issues internally. The stuff with LJ and Jalen Hurts is so bizarre. I think Philly shouldn’t fuck around and just rip the bandaid off now. If I’m Howie, everyone is available.

Dallas Cowboys – If I’m Jerry Jones, I go take a nap. What the fuck is any 84 year old doing rambling on the radio like they know what’s going on. Get this guy away from the Cowboys. And I say this as someone who liked the moves Dallas made for the players on defense last year. But it ain’t working and it’s not going to work with these absolute bums they keep hiring as coordinators. I’m sure some people will say they should move Pickens. Fine, I guess. I don’t think Dallas has a shot in hell to make a run in the playoffs, so if I’m in charge, I would start selling.