From Communist to Patriot

They called me names. Mean names. Words I won’t repeat in this article. The most commonly used insult was “communist”. Why did they call me this? Because I bet Canada to win the Gold Medal. Here is my story…

 

Look, I get it. You want to support your country. I want to support my country. Everyone wants to support their country. I am a proud American. If I wasn’t, I wouldn’t be here. I’d probably move to Paris. Ever been to Paris? It rocks. The French are assholes, sure, but Paris objectively rocks. I’d also consider the English countryside. Ever been there? It also rocks. Lots of goats and less people. I love goats. Anyways, here is my story...

 

The Olympics and World Cup are a lot like Halloween. I used to work in the bar business. You know who goes out on Halloween? People that never go out. They don’t know how to behave. The same thing happens during the Olympics and World Cup. You get a bunch of people who never watch the sport or give two shits about anything actually going on in the country that all of sudden start pounding their chest about how proud they are to be American. To back it up, they bet on their country. So brave!

 

I don't give two flying fucks about the Olympics, but I love hockey, and did watch the quarterfinals and semifinals of Olympics Men's Hockey. I thought Canada mostly looked like shit, but they were loaded with talent.

 

Canada needed come-from-behind wins against Czech and Finland as -1400 and -400 favorites. As funny as it would have been if they lost, we Americans needed them to win. The only way the Olympics are worth a shit is if the USA plays Canada in the gold medal game. The only way it is at all worth it to suspend the NHL season for this shit is if Canada plays the USA in the gold medal game. Thankfully, we got it, and it did not disappoint. This is still my story...

 

So yea, I bet Canada to win. You root for teams you want to win, you bet on teams you think will win. I thought Canada was a better hockey team. I didn’t care that they almost lost to inferior opponents. I felt they didn’t take them seriously, and would be up from start to finish against the USA. For the most part, I was right. This didn’t make me less American, but in the eyes of your average person who shows up out of nowhere, just like the bar patrons during Halloween, I was the biggest scumbag on the planet. We're about halfway through my story...

 

If you have eyeballs, it was quite clear that Canada was the better team, but Hellebuyck was the better goalie. Despite what all the morons on twitter say, I know puck. You can't beat a hot goalie. As it got late into the 3P, Sam Bennet took a 4 minute penalty after hitting Jack Hughes with a high stick. At first, I wasn’t quite sure how bad the penalty was. Then I saw the replay and let out an “OH FUCK”. Jack was definitely going to be missing teeth. Since I know puck, and I know Jack Hughes is a proud American, I bet him to score the next goal at +1300. People had a problem with this.

 

Conflict of interest since I already bet Canada to win? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe go fuck yourself. I can't help that I know puck. Let's get back to my story...

 

If you know anything about anything, you know that not only does Jack Huges rip puck, but he also was seen dating Tate McRae. Are you kidding me?! You think this guy gets his teeth knocked out on the world stage - not the national stage, the WORLD stage - and isn’t going to come out with a vengeance and rip even more puck? I had to take action, and I’m incredibly sorry that you don’t know puck.

 

The funny thing is that I am known to many as a mush or a jinx on twitter. If I tweet about someone during a game, they get injured or fuck up. Jack Hughes caused a penalty and gave Canada a power play after my tweet, so of course, I was already getting flamed. Rightfully so. But then the haters' worst nightmare happened: the US killed the power play, and he eventually scored the game winning goal in overtime. 

 

What started as a week of Jeff Sunday being called a communist, ended in Jeff Sunday being called a hero. 

 

That was my story.